If you ever find yourself in Calgary in the spring, I’m sorry. It is undoubtedly the worst time of year we have here.
You might be thinking to yourself “What about winter? Winter sucks!”. Well, you’d be right, Winter does suck, but Spring is TERRIBLE. It’s so bad it’s ridiculous. In fact, it’s terriculous. Yes, that is now a word.
Firstly, Let’s Talk Pollen.
Pollinating plants are currently waging a war of Lovecraftian proportions against humanity’s mental stability. They want us all to die you see, and they have begun a campaign of psychological warfare designed to render us cranky, itchy, and all dribbly and gross until we lose all reason and murder our families. Calgary, being located in a large depression in the middle of a sea of grasslands is Ground Zero for the yearly Pollen Apocalypse (OR Pollenocalypse, if you prefer).
Secondly, there’re the Snowstorms.
You’ll be trucking along, starting to feel a little bit better after hooking yourself up to an IV full of Anti-Histamines to recover from the Pollenocalypse, when, suddenly, there’s 3 feet of sloppy snow on the ground. While the regularly massive spring snowstorms we attract here in Calgary are annoying because they basically shut down the city, the worst part is that, because they can make perennial plants return to dormancy, they restart the Pollenocalypse!
Lastly, there’s the Mud.
Before and after the random snowstorms, there’s the mud. There’s so much mud here in the spring time that most of us don’t bother taking our cars to be washed until June, and even then they’re probably going to be filthy again within 5 minutes. If the mud were warm, it wouldn’t be so bad. But the mud here is usually a product of freshly melted snow, occasionally contains shards of ice, and it is colder than a well-digger’s backside. But the worst thing about the mud, the thing that really makes it the #1 Kill Joy of the awful spring season, is that you can’t ski on it!
Jonathan Meier is the Online Marketing and Social Media Coordinator Nuvo Hotel Suites, a small boutique hotel in downtown Calgary, Alberta. When it’s not the absolute worst time of year to do anything, he’s usually out in the mountains near his hometown of Canmore where he can be seen climbing, skiing, or doing anything at all that doesn’t involve computers.